:Friday, October 27, 2006:
Helloween's coming. Party's tomorrow and I can't wait.
SHIT. I'm getting high just by the though of thinking
about it. Edison's going to be my goth schoolmate and
I hope that maxy's coming in fishball. School's becoming
gay and its not very fun. I'm not too happy with people
showing me attitude. Especially when I really need
help most. Those people should know what I mean.
From now on, Benji's being fucked up to them. And
Super Hamtaro Boy's going goth. =/
Benji
| Stripped and Lusted 2:38 PM| |
__________
:Thursday, October 26, 2006:
Yet the disappointment sips in. I feel like I'm
taking 3 steps forward 2 steps back. I feel
condemmed. They say, never hold people too
close to you cause they're the ones that hurt
you the most. SHIT what am I suppose to
believe? Part of it's right. Why should I care
so much when its not even realized?
There's too much to reason out and I've no
time for that anymore. Its time to wake up
the childish idea and get things right. If a wild
goose chase it inevitable, bring yourself on it
and not everyone else. I'm starting to get fed
up. I feel so lost and angry. Yet if they think
they understand, I'll tell them to fuck their
pussy cause they know nuts. I'm so affected.
Benji
| Stripped and Lusted 7:01 PM| |
__________
:Tuesday, October 24, 2006:
Video Of what happened at whynot haha..=/
Yesterday Night was fun. It was great having to feel
really like dancing around. There was so much feel
in the air and you know people are enjoying.
For the first time, I felt so cool and relaxed while
clubbing. Winsty, Edison, Anavil, Monica and Me.
Way more shots to go eh. hah..cheeros.
And today, was the first time I sat in Winsty's Dad's
car but the driver of the Lexus RX 300 was
*drum rolls*
Edison. Wahahaha..
oh boy, and he DID drive.
Benji
| Stripped and Lusted 10:23 PM| |
__________
:Saturday, October 21, 2006:
Its that time when the group can hang again after so
long and also, not forgetting the obstacles we had to
endure to be able to smile and have our picture taken
once again. I'm glad that we had the last laugh having
known that it wasn't an easy path to walk getting
to where we are now. I'm happy. Thats the answer
to monica's question she asked me earlier just now.
Why I am happy? Its thanks to them. Everything
about me, be it the fun or angst that I've gone
through, I owe it to them. With chasing cars playing
on my itunes, I can't help it but to think seriously
what will happen if I'd to lose them. I don't know
who else I can fall back on besides them. I feel loved.
Its a different kind of love, but I still love them all.
What's me? This is me. And it consist and includes
them. Them all.
Benji
| Stripped and Lusted 2:40 AM| |
__________
:Tuesday, October 17, 2006:
I got pretty pisst off just now. Having to talk
to someone which made me want to strangle
the living life out of him. But then again, he's
still someone I'd care about. And I didn't mean
to be so harsh and direct. But trust me, he
needed that.
Its a good time to start taking a step back,
and look where the fault lies and not just
put the blame and reasons on other people
rather than one's self. I'd seriously feel like
slapping his face just now.
"reasons are jut excuses put in good words"
Benji
| Stripped and Lusted 2:51 PM| |
__________
:Monday, October 16, 2006:
I wish I had the chance to star glaze again. Now
with the haze blocking my view and with more
starless nights out there, I doubt that will ever
come. I just want to lie on that same patch of
grass with you and star glaze the whole night.
It seems like everything is coming the opposite
way in time. Like black is the new gold, hate is
the new love, happy is the new sad and so on.
I don't know what to do now that everything is
running in opposite directions. I guess I need time
to get use to it. I broke my promise lately but
seriously, no more till the 28th.
Benji
| Stripped and Lusted 12:02 PM| |
__________
:Sunday, October 15, 2006:
Bad dreams are occuring to me more and more
frequent these days. Now, I dreamt that one of
my closes cousin died. And I wasn't there to attend
his funeral. I came back from overseas and all
I knew was that,
my parents brought me to see his grave. I didn't
know what to do but just weep there. Walking
down the graveyard in the dark with occasional
flashback of the times we spent time together.
Shit, I'm afraid.
Benji
| Stripped and Lusted 11:52 PM| |
__________
:Thursday, October 12, 2006:
I had a weird dream last night. I dreamt that I
killed loads of people. People that I didn't like
and people that hated me too. I dreamt that I
was a death eater. Or thats what they call it.
Hmm, weird dream. Flying from building to
building. It seems like I'm the only one casting
the spells out of my handy book.
I need to let spells out more often already. And
I think that I'll start out by dispelling here. HAH.
There is no greater good or genuine evil. There's
just us. We make our laws, our rules but its
whether we chose to follow them. I know,
I don't.
Helloween party anyone?
Benji
| Stripped and Lusted 1:53 PM| |
__________
::
Wrongness in life. Making the wrong decision which
leads to the wrong choice which leads to the wrong
move. I've been a little wrong lately. What's wrong
with me these days. I feel lousy doing good things.
Have I yet fallen back into the hole once again?
Crawling out is such a chore. What more can I
ask more to life? Nothing.
I'm happy and satisfied knowing the people around
me already.
Benji
| Stripped and Lusted 12:06 AM| |
__________
:Thursday, October 05, 2006:
As time passes by us, we feel the need to make that
difference. To make that step that could change our
lives for the better or for the worst. As the weather
turns chill cold, I feel the difference in my heart.
Everything gets silent and the place where we used
to sit and share our thoughts of love, is now vacant
and dusty.
It seems like I have to lose you in order to save you.
It seems that I've to be the one sitting next to you
but knowing the past won't be the present, nor the
future. All these glorious saddness and pain has
brought me to my knees. I've been having sway
moods lately. But in the arms of the angels, I seek.
If there are any out there.
Benji
| Stripped and Lusted 2:08 PM| |
__________
:Wednesday, October 04, 2006:
The things that they said affected me. They just
dont listen. They dont understand. And their
expectation is too high. I want all my sorrows to
be drained away. Its obvious they will side each
other. After all, they don't call it married for
nothing. I cannot be up to what they expect of me.
And even if I could, I wouldnt.
I walked down the lonely road once again, with
vacant cars by the sides of the road and I
started to wonder when will the time come for me
to change my route. Am I happy? Everytime you
asked how I am, I'll say I'm okay. But after
everything has been done and said, I am not.
Why?
Its because I lied. I'm walking this road alone.
They don't understand, they never will.
They don't know. They don't listen. They don't
care what others feel. So now I ponder. Why
should I be the one taking the first step? Why
should I be the one to be so bothered? Afterall,
the first lie has been said. I'll be saying more of
I'm okays. But actually, I'm not.
Cause
I lied.
Benji
| Stripped and Lusted 7:46 PM| |
__________
:Tuesday, October 03, 2006:
The smallest little things in life has been takenfor granted. We don't usually see the big picture
nor do we take notice of the small ones. The
people that we have been waiting for all out lives
are the ones that has been standing right next to
us but we just don't know that.
Now that the time is coming to an end, I feel the
floatness within my bones. Becoming to light just
to hover above the ground, and never coming
back down. This is because I want to get one thing
straight. We cannot be together. That's the last
thing that will happen. Not on your end, but on
mind. Its time to let me go and fly away.
Stop trying to deceive yourself already. Everything's
over.
Benji
| Stripped and Lusted 6:52 PM| |
__________
:Monday, October 02, 2006:
As I sat at my balcony sipping my Raspberry
Vodka, I looked out into the open, cloudless sky
and just below it, an empty street with just 1
streetlamp that accompanies me to sleep
every night. I felt the breeze caress my cheeks
and I closed my eyes just trying to let everything
out.
I couldn't.
I'm so deeply affected on the inside that nothing
seems to want out. I lighted my cigg and took that
first breath in, trying to numb myself from all
the troubles and worries I have on mind. I teared
as my fears came running back. All alone is what
I felt sitting there. Just having to sit there in my
solace in the wee hours of the morning.
How does one walks away from all of the memories.
How can I not miss you when you're gone.
I need to be brave and stand strong. I can't say
what I've known all along. Cause it's going to hurt
again. Its going to hurt so badly.
Benji
| Stripped and Lusted 1:43 PM| |
__________
:Sunday, October 01, 2006:
Remember the first time that we met up.Remember the first show we watched?
Just happened to think of the past and we
didn't just sit there and off the light
to watch the dark. I missed those times.
And indeed things have changed. I wished
they never did. But no matter what, I want
to keep these memories. For I will still heart
and love you the same.
Now don't be silly to tell me that you want
to leave. You can leave if you want to. But
do remember that I'll still be here. And
remember me alrights. Super Hamtaro Boy.
Benji
| Stripped and Lusted 10:59 AM| |
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