:Saturday, April 30, 2005:

its a long long journey..and u paid for me on calvary...

It’s a long long journey
Till I know where I’m suppose to be
It a long long journey
And I don’t know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It’s a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you

Many days I’ve spent
Drifting through empty shores
Wondering what’s my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong

I know I will falter I know I will cry
I know you’ll will be standing by my side
It’s a long long journey
And I need to be close to you

Sometimes it feel’s no one understands
I don’t even know why
I do the thing I do
When pride builds me up till I can’t see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through?

Cause it’s a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on Calvary
Beneath those stormy skies

When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feel like everything is out to make me lose control
It’s a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you to you.

| Stripped and Lusted 2:55 PM| |

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:Thursday, April 28, 2005:

i"m troubled and my life is turning for the worst.

many things happened today actually..and i dunno whether i shd share it with u guys on blogger...its rather personal and i need to be alone..but on the other, i cant tok to anyone except to blog it online..there are so many things gng on in my life now and i'm confused..very..very...mayb conselling will not help now but mayb it did in the past..have i said that there are so many things that are happening in my life and to me now?
it suxs..to be me...i juz hope that i will not show it out to obviously infront of every in class..i'm feeling that it will be different.. you can say that in class i'm a laughter and damn full of shit in joking and fun etc etc, not trying to sell myself here but am i a 'people' person? its difficult trying to explain and express myself... somehow or rather i feel different and if i will to express it in class or openly, i'm afraid that people will see a far greater difference in me and i may not want that to happen..i prefer people to see the better side of me then the not so nice side of me..i cant afford to go back there again...not that spot again...its like gng back into witchcraft..i dunn think that i'm ready or will ever be..there is too much pain and i dunn think i wanna go back to the past...
its not possible for me..i cant afford it... i juz feel so used..in class..i feel reli used..each day when i'm on my way home, besides thinking abt wat are things that happened in the day, i also looked back on relationships..with my palz, peeps, etc...am i happy? wat the shit or how the shit do i feel..wat happened today? its difficult to do things when one's down...its like the mothership is down and the rest of the babies are wondering aimlessly no where and may juz drop dead anytime..
as i said, u may not understand wat i;m toking abt becoz i do not know how to express myself now..i'm not talking any calls, nor replying any msgs frm poly or my X-students in stgabs. i have to be alone..juz leave me alone and mayb i can feel better and think things thru..juz leave me alone...mayb thats all i can ask for...
its like its always me..everything is always me...it pri sch, to sec sch and now poly..y do i have to be the one that is being 'toyed' and picked...done with the special treatments and things have to stop..i hate it..i juz wanna be normal like everyone else..is that to difficult to ask?
i hate it when this happens...it will affect everything in me...everything juz comes to a stop..laterally everything...
now, i gtg...bb..tc peeps..
i have to be alone...quietly.
benji.~

| Stripped and Lusted 12:30 PM| |

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:Tuesday, April 26, 2005:

wAts WitH thE crUShes?

its been a week since poly has open and i'm reli enjoying my time there..with all the great peeps there to b with..haha. firstly, i wanna say sorry to all those who have been constantly looking at my blog and keeps wondering when i'll be updating it..*aheM* Been really busy since school open...now i reli noe what busy is...its not like in secondary school anymore. its vfery different. everything is not yr own from the time u step into poly..haha..i mean, they reli treat u like adults unlike in secondary sch where they ONLY SAY but NV puT iNTO aCTION! In poly, its reli different...having to wake up at 6 am every morning is even earlier then when i was gng to stgab's so study.. having to think wat to wear..haha...i thought of gng to amani X-change to check out the clothes..seems kool..after all my bday is coming...haha...so soon...like in 7 days!!...2nd may..same as my man DB from the beckham-ingham place...haha..hope u noe who i'm toking abt..anyway, back to poly and today..all u peeps out there that haven start poly...u beta enjoy yr hols sia...its reli damn stressing on mondays..becoz its enterprise..haha...we are under a perfectionist here and have to be as perfect as he is...*bLaH* usually we dunn have lunch on mondays...we will juz skip it and get on with our work..lolz...u muz be wondering wat the freaking hell is enterprise rite...haha..okok...for 1st sem, we take 5 modules..enterprise, basic science, communications, VB and congnitive problem solving..haha...think its so easy? u try lahz..seow sia...haha...looking towards then weekends is a MUZ for all poly students..haha...i'm juz waiting for my june vacation now...lolz...o and i wanna ask the world something...wats with the crushes in poly or in JC? haha...its such a sensitive topic and pplz can openly declare it? something is wrong...crazy...anyway...i gtg..haha..friday's are gng out days..so for now, aim for fridays...haha...chaozz

| Stripped and Lusted 2:10 PM| |

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:Friday, April 22, 2005:

SaVe Mee..

today's already thursday...have not been blogging for a long time rite..i noe...sorry all!! poly has been reli great and awesome...the pplz there are so cool! i mean, except for the journey all the way there and i have to see gabrielites every morning!! haiz~ i thought my gabrielities days where over once i quit stgabs but it seems wrong...wonder wonder...
everyday,i have to carry my heavy lappy to sch which is so tiring..haha damn lazy sia. but wat to do? i'm lazy to be honest..i prefer taking a cab then a bus, unless i have no choice..opps...leaked out a bad point..haaha..nvm..u noe on tuesday, i was on msn with farhana then suddenly someone IM me on msn and i was like wondering who the hell is this person?? all it said was hello......... then i realize it was my fac on monday..haha..i was stun for a min or so...then i was panicky and IM farhana how to reply.haha...sorry mr sim...but 1st time lahz...blah* lolz...my phone bill shot sky high today when i saw it..haha...i had like 700 mins of talk time...over used...but luckily almost 1/2 of it when to free incoming calls..haha...lecture today was reli relac...its good and bad in a way..dunn ask me y.. the aircon is so freaky cold today...even dean had to wear a pull over...lolz..after the fac left today, my classmate immediately off the aircon..haha..today's lecture was more on visual basics...its so difficult to understand..like some matrix code like that... Rp is awesome in a sense that they are using PBL..
it can be stressing at times too...its not a bird course where u juz fly through it...its reli takes alot of effort...although there are slackers in my class...shitter!! like on monday's lecture, which is also the 1st day, my group didnt even had lunch...we were like doing and doing and doing...its very competitve and i have to be in the race too!!haaha...having meet many new pplz in RP, i'm reli glad and happy...thk god..anyway, gtg back on msn soon and call jun so be back soon...hopefully the girl who broke the spoon dunn break anymore... if not she will have to start tumble drying...lolz..chaozz

sign
benji

| Stripped and Lusted 12:30 PM| |

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:Wednesday, April 20, 2005:

2nd day in poly...haiz!

lmaoz...today is so awesome...its like 2nd day in poly and its so fun already...i mean, the only thing that i find a drag to go to poly in the morning now is so far!!..hahas...its like i have to walk to serangoon mrt station and change train at outram park and walk to change to RedHill..then i still have to walk to Rp! but campus and learning is so cool..i mean its not like secondary school anymore...everyone is so gain on doing something which makes me so ... in a way happy...haha..its a stress free way until the quiz and the evaluation and the RJ part...its like everyone has to do a RJ everyday...its a reflection journal on today's lesson...which for today is Basic Science - Blood relations..its difficult...haha...i mean, rp timetable is totally different...and it can be quite stressing and not stressing...lets say for yesterday, which was the 1st day,it was super stressing..its like the fac came in and started lesson like ard 9.50 he left us to do our research on personality and by 10.30 he wanted the 1st meeting!! how are we suppose to do that?lolz...but my team managed to do it...then for the 2nd meeting...my god...the class was so noisy...like some warzone or something...we decided to move to the library instead...with was so freaking quiet...even a pin drop could be heard...lolz..we didnt even had time to have lunch! haiz~ today was better abit...i mean, we finished all out research by 11.30 and had lunch till 12noon before coming back to class to get the presentation done...
Its like in Rp, everything is up to u already...u wanna do, u do...u dunn wanna do, u dunn do! its as simple and u have to plan yr time for everything! that includes msn...yea...u have to type reli fast...its like i realize that my fingers could move faster then usual...its reli fast gng in RP... u have to do everything fast...even eat! class usually start at 8.30am and may even end as late as 5pm...we have to like complete the daily evaluation and quiz and RJ everyday...its like a MUZ...haiz...we r so rushing for time now...gtg...complete PPT now...lolz...writing blog during discussion break.

| Stripped and Lusted 4:28 AM| |

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:Saturday, April 16, 2005:

Computing COurse is so boring yet cool..

haha...yea..u guessed rite...i'm now at a break...having a course today at Rp...computing...with ben chor and his friends...they shd give us CE pts 4 attending tis course to make it easier 4 us to pass year 1 DBC...haha..the aircon is so cold and this morning was so hot...lolz...i had to wake up at 6 but i woke up late!!! arhg!!woke up at 6.30am...then had to rush to Serangoon MRT to meet ben chor but it turned out that we were late too...haha...then we reached Rp to realized that we were early!! and there are pplz even earlier then us...haha...then we had to wait for ben's fren, melissa and her frenz...to go to the computing course and slack becoz its 5 pplz to a table or aka group..haha...so now all slacking..lolz...all the info has been send to our RPmail already mahz...haha...its so freaking cold!!! brr....haha...

| Stripped and Lusted 2:34 AM| |

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:Friday, April 15, 2005:

Brrr...Its Cold IN here!!

lolz...i had to report to Rp campus today for orientation...Boo!! not fun at all...esp when there was this fat tummy indian so called DM that intro himself and tell us abt him and wat he intend to do in RP or shall i say what to do WITH Rp...i detest this kind of pplz...he tries to be commanding with us...who the bloody hell think he freaking is....boo to u!

anyway, now i noe that phoenix park in reli the MOE caldercort hill man...the air con there is so cold...like the bill is free or somthing...haha...i cant wirte much today becoz i need to go play hyper relay...u shd go try it...lolz...its addictive...

benji

| Stripped and Lusted 12:27 PM| |

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:Wednesday, April 13, 2005:

Irritating sIA...

today's whole day was spent like slacking and doing nothing except watching tv, play HP and msn...arhg! so fustrating...anyway, nigel and harrold are both so irritating...its like i dunn think they noe that but its so freaking irritating...they have to like butt into other pplz personal life and skin the whole lot out and start telling other pplz...fuk them man...
harrold is like so thickskin juz becoz he got 7 pts...but so wat if his results are good...if yr attitude suxs to bad fuking man...u sux too..
its like if u put the 2 together, they fuse and become the word ASS! arhg!!!

anyway, my dad got my wireless card for me today and i'm using it...haha...k..boo! nothing much...my blogger teacher has not thought me new skills which i can add on to my condusive lousy blogging talents...haha..blah~
Hyper relay is so diff!! but i will have to try to conquer it sia...haha...benchor is so lousy too..haha..if he can beat LS then i will bow down to u...ha..!

having the thought that i have to report to Rp on thursday and friday is not a nice thing to carry with inside yr brain..haha...i got FOP on thursday and course on friday...arhg!! the cold days in Rp are back...but lucky that i need not bring my notebook to Rp on thursday...but friday...MUZ bring all the way to MOE caldercort hill!

its been long since i read shiyun's blog!!! muz read!! and hear the song!! so cool...teach me lehz...how to be a successful blogger..haha...blah*
i finally made my dental appt with my cousin on saturday at 10 am at mt E...now, i have to travel to town for 3 days in a role!! arhg!! how bad can this get...now...shd i take train or bus??

its time to slp...its like so damn late and my sis is still using my fone to tok...gotta get it back...chaozz

| Stripped and Lusted 2:58 PM| |

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:Tuesday, April 12, 2005:

The Benji is backk

realizing that waking up so early in the morning is so important and getting slp in the rainy afternoon is so much more important!!

Had to go to RP today to get my notebook configured and started after 48hrs of strictly no computer...i'm juz recovering frm the symtoms...haiz~ woke up early like 9.30..haha..i left the hse ard 10.20 to reach the bus-stop juz in time for the 153 bus to arrive at the bus-stop..! haha...then here comes the long journey to Rp having to transfer bus outside SJI. one of the schools that is famous for having gays i heard only...but hey, i dunn ostricise them. wen the 153 bus was approaching toa payoh...my damn mp3 player when slient!! no batt!! this is the worst thing that can happ on the 1.5hrs bus journey...hahas...

i stopped outside SJI top change to 132 which will pass through town (outside fareast) and onto Rp...haiz~ the bus ride is so killing...becoz i had to wait for the 132 bus for 20mins! GREAT!?
No mp3. but at least i got my fone..haha...blah*

then when i reached Rp...*phew...i had to walk all the way to phoenix park up the infamous MOE caldercort hill all the way to configure my com...haiz~
so high up in the mountains to annex hall juz to configure my comm and the aircon up there at MOE caldercort hill that the air is so cold...haha...

after the long 1.5hrs in MOE caldercort hill i finally made my descend to meet chor at Rp campus ground canteen...be4 finally making my 1.5hrs journey back to the urban lifestyle i'm living in..haha
haiz~

haha...then i had alot of bad exprience with my walls triple chocolate ice-cream...it fell of my hands!!!haha
so wasted...
and i asked shiyun to teach me gongfu in blogging...haiz~ see u tml...stripperella is coming on!!

| Stripped and Lusted 1:50 PM| |

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:Thursday, April 07, 2005:

labelling

i was labelled as a tech geek by shiyun today...i'm gng kill myself.

| Stripped and Lusted 2:30 PM| |

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:Wednesday, April 06, 2005:

RP!

today when to RP.
Sianzz...
very sianzz...
the sight of RP is so fearing....
haiz...
after wat chor Xplan to me...
haiz~...
can i dunn go liaoz??
haiz~...
K lahz...i updating lahz shiyun...yr turn sia...beta update yr sia... haha...haiz...it seems that there are alot of students complaining to me abt ben sim and asking me to go back...haiz~...that is not my prob...but yet so diff to tell ben to like butt out of stgabs...kanna complain to many times and u still dunn learn yr lesson? y do u always have to learn frm the bad pplz like the OMs on stgabs? cant u see that the OMs are making use of u? haiz...i'm damn tired of saying already lahz...suit yrself...today...go out with chor to RP...then go town eat eat...look look...then call daryl but dunn wat the shit happ to his hp...haiz~...anyway...a day is over...i spend my entire afternoon watching TV sia...1st it was triple 9...then cartoons...hi 5...then some english show...then good luck on channel U...then police and thief...then the NKF show on channel 8...then CSI...haiz...~ slp slp...

| Stripped and Lusted 2:40 AM| |

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:Tuesday, April 05, 2005:

U r TruE sIA

i had to wake up at freaking 8am but i oversleep as usual lorz...was suppose to go back to sch to take my freaking EZ-Link card back...ass...i hate gng back there now...stupid bon is so K-PO...dunn u noe when to fuck off? ass...anyway...shiyun got to call me this morning and told me a secret!!! haha...something to do with stgabs...ha..good...its becoz its with u., u can get the OMs into trouble becoz that is their responsiblilty to get it back frm U...so my advice to u is to keep it longer lorz..haha...today went to watch The Eye 10...ok lahz then show...quite funny...and scary at the same time...its been long since i when out with daryl to watch show already...somemore next time ticket price wanna increase...siaoz le spore government...taking so much taxes frm us yet wanna increase ticket price...then no one wanna watch movie wait for VCD or DVD to rent even cheaper...no brainers! and daryl...wat happ to yr fone...cannot call through one!

anyway...stgabs wanna employ X-students to go back to the school to work...i dunn tink anyone wanna go back anyway...with the OMs ard...and some complain-queen ah ma tchers ard...its juz the few black son of a bitches in the sch that leaves a bad impression of the school...after everything that the OMs and principals did to the X-students by not letting them in or to go back to sch...do u still think that X-student wanna to back and WORK? FAT HOPE. they can find better jobs outside then there...they dunn even respects us as X-students instead as visitors...its so humiliating to say that i'm frm stgabs seeing wat has happ to the sch and have no power to change anything....sigh~

AND BOn...i noe what u did behind my back ok...
ass...chaoz mohpeng.

anyway...tml has to report to RP at 10am...meeting ben chor at the IT fair...gng buy the PCMCIA card...haiz...sch is starting soon...but over all, i was glad to go back to sch today...seeing the tchers and the students...yup...they have changed so much...god bless them all...and tks to the freak rain...it dampen my spirits of gng out for the week...
mama...

| Stripped and Lusted 2:50 PM| |

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:Saturday, April 02, 2005:

bLesSinG iN DiSgUisEe

Stgab's...y is it always stgabs...may called me yesterday and told me to go back to sch to sign my pay thingys...i mean how did she get my no? i only like gave it to 3 pplz and i trust them...anyway, i had to travel all the way frm my grams place with is located at king's rd all the way back to serangoon...go home to change and come out again and walk to stgab...the journey was so long...thk god to my cellphone with me with all my sms partners!! haha...well, when i went back, i was greeted delightly by my X-colleagues and teachers...haha...its like i've been gone 4 so long...and so many pplz are saying me to go back to stgabs and work...after all the ironical things that happened with is due mainly with the OMs, i rather not go back...thkfully when i went back, the OMs were not there and so was BIG BOSS aka principal..i really wanted to talk to Mr Lee abt his OMs...but he wasnt there...so...haiz~ i spoke to irene for a while and i noe that may was watching but i dunn give a shit. who cares...after all i'm no longer working there...she apperantly has good connection with OM steven han...everything also tell him...like husband and mistress...anyway...thats way too gross to elaborate...i purposely spoke bad abt HAN infront of may...i dunn care much now...after all he is gng to die earlier then me...so y shd i care? Ewww...that so evil...i cant think that way...emmm...ok...how abt this...i shd 4get him and let him live his own fucking life? much better? ahah...anyway...i think that shiyun was rite...after all that she is not working in MOE anymore...can go out more often liao!! haha
and guess wat...i mean edison teo today...twice...wat the luck...if meeting was that lucky, i would be rich in 4D..haha...well, rotten luck seeing him...anyway..i have to get back to stgabs becoz i forgot to get my EZ-Link card back!!! ARG!!!! so irritating...thinking of gng back AGAIN! haiz~ so unlucky..and i have to go RP to meet chor and get my PCMCIA or USB wireless b4 sch starts...haha...chaoz..

| Stripped and Lusted 2:40 PM| |

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