:Thursday, August 24, 2006:

I saw my friend fall down to his knees recently crying
just for the times his boyfriend and him were spending
happy times together. Just one night and everything is
lost with 2 words, "Let's breakup". Then suddenly, that
fear came running down my back once again. That fear
that most of us have in losing someone that we hold so
dear to our hearts.

It's not that we don't know what we want, but instead
its that we don't know how to understand each other.
There are people in my heart that I want to hold close
too but with that fear that struck me, my doubts are
running back in it took over that instantly. Should have
done something but I've done it enough, by the way
your hands were shaking rather waste some time with you.
Should have said something but I've said it enough.

I feel the maddness running through my mind. I dare
not make anymore promises already. Finally after work,
I get to sit in my room with music from DC and The Used,
playing on my itunes. Just having to sit here in my solace
with thoughts running through my mind can be
comforting. We never find it if we keep looking for it.
I don't want to waste time with you anymore. Finally,
I get to be alone just with myself.

I've been waiting for this feeling again. After things had
changed so much around me. Now, I'm back. Do I feel
good feeling back? I don't know. In doing this, at least
that I know I won't be like my friend who cried his eyes
out just to achieve nothing the next day. I want to draw
the line already, And its time I've done so. I don't want
to feel this way. But it's for the better. Its the battle of
myself on the inside I have to fight.

I'll disappear slowly. But no matter what, you'll always
know. I heart my bros till the extend, no one will ever
understand. It's a tough time I'm going through now.
I guess blogging is not on my mind. Pray for me. Love.

Benji

| Stripped and Lusted 9:06 PM| |

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