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:Monday, July 03, 2006:

I guess that what D' said all along was right. I wasn't
running away from my problems, I was running away
from myself. I don't have issues with my problems.
I have issues with myself. Its not that I don't want to
talk about my problems. I just haven't found the right
one. Yet I can tell him everything about me. I'm getting
paranoid easily. House shifting showed me alot. It showed
me alot of reason why I need to run away from home
and how much I actually don't need my parents in life.

My actions are becoming theirs. That's not me. I'm not
going to live their life. I'm going to live mine. It's not
about them, it's about me. I fear I will become them.
I can't wait to get out of the house. Everything in me
was those yesterday's feelings. Nothing today's on my
mind. I feel high enough to drown myself from everything
around me. I feel NUMB.

I need to find myself again. I need to know what I want.
I need to know that there is someone to be the right one.
Cause trust is an issue not to be talked with me. I don't
know who I can trust anymore. The closest hurts the most.
For all I have heard, I pretend to be deaf. But then again,
who am I trying to kid?

As the saying goes, we don't actually miss someone until
we lose someone.

I'll stay like those cut up angels.

Benji


| Stripped and Lusted 11:24 PM| |

__________



about the boy.
'benji
02may88.taurus
maxatom@hotmail.com

sitting in the dark.
in a room. facing the wall.
looking back at the past.
wearing a mask, hiding the truth.
it's time to reveal everything.

gaps left behind.
the streets were wet and the gate was locked.
so i jumped it and let you in.
with your hand around my waist.
everything could be felt again.
and i knew that you meant it.

not forgetting.
Andy
Benji
Cindy
Chu Yang
Dennis
Darren
Fyedee
Gary
James
Jeremy
Jiawei
Jimmy
Jayden
Matthew
Max
Nick
Shuhui
Sean Remiel
Trent
Wei Hao
Xiaotaizi Didi

I declare.

I declare that there are losers in life. But nothing compares to those whom spam tagboards. Cause they have nothing better to do but try to beautify other people's life by the attention they are giving.

Blessed Be,



antiquity.