:Tuesday, May 30, 2006:

I huge sorry to jason, tim, jonne, derek,
jav, fel, and and the rest of the gang.
haha. Don't have the time to chill with
you peeps. =( But there will always be
time after I get my arse back from
brisbane. derek, chill yea? I'm here =)

aye, you can always see me after I get
back. Now to rant about the contridictory
issues that I have been facing lately.
One just happened yesterday night.
Didn't get the linking in even talking to
me in the first place. After all these
while, one still can ask me whether I'm
pissed? woots, thats a daring question to
pop don't you think?

I'll be flying to brisbane. I don't think I'll
have the time to meet up and stuffs. I have
my peeps with me. You decided to take
that nail and knife with me. So yea,
whats the past is the past. We don't have
to bring issues into this anymore.
I'm having a good life since you have been
asking so much about me.
Insterested to come back into my life?
No thanks. I'm cool.

Matt, you owe me one =)
Don't forget.

Benji

Brisbane, here I come.

| Stripped and Lusted 1:47 PM| |

__________

:Monday, May 29, 2006:

Plans changed. Yup, will be flying off next
monday =) max max max max max! >.<
matt matt matt matt! you wanna come?
rofl =)

Benji

| Stripped and Lusted 9:24 PM| |

__________

:Saturday, May 27, 2006:

The things that we all except to happen, usually won't happen.
Then again, why put so much into this word called "HOPE" when
we basically know that we shouldn't believe in miracles that
won't happen. Ironically, we cannot help but just cry about the
things that we don't get.

What will you do when the only person that can make you stop
crying is the person that made you cry? And yet we all know
that the hardest thing in life is to see someone that we love,
love someone else. Thats the limit to all our tolarance. Which
indirectly cancels out the word "HOPE" already. I just ended
work and sort of sighed to myself having to see so many rich
dorks and poor studs.

OMFG, whats happening to the world lately? Anyway,
I'll be flying to brisbane. Tickets booked. Everything's done.
I'm just waiting for time to pass and I'll be off to brisbane
with my peeps. Thank god for the tickets on SQ, if not I
rather not fly at all. So, its counting down already. In less
than 2 weeks, I'll wave bye to the people that I will miss.

Benji

| Stripped and Lusted 10:30 PM| |

__________

:Thursday, May 25, 2006:

Everything's going down hill. Confusion lies
quietly waiting for me to solve. I don't know
how long will I will be able to take living
in the harshness of this world. I don't want
to face reality. I'm still afraid of what I
might become. Just hiding quietly in my solace.

Events coming up in life. I'm exhuasted.
mentally and physically. I hate being sick.
Stupid nose plus the throat. Oh man!
The way at which I am living my life, it seems
that I'll be dying at the age of..erm 30.
Someone please help me. >.<

My mood's been swaying like a blardy yoyo.
Everything's happening so quickly. Having
come by me stabbing me once before leaving.
Fly me to brisbane. Bring back my clubbing days.
I need some distractions now. Help. Help.
And my friendster profile views has jumped like
sky high.
whose been viewing my profile! hands up! =)
haha

Benji

| Stripped and Lusted 12:02 PM| |

__________

:Tuesday, May 23, 2006:

My throat hurts and I am coughing blood.
I hate the sound of my voice. Its so bad.
Smoke? Drink? Anything that numbs me.

Tip of the day:

Love starts with a smile
Grows with a kiss
And
Ends with tears.

Benji

| Stripped and Lusted 5:25 PM| |

__________

:Saturday, May 20, 2006:

| Stripped and Lusted 1:03 PM| |

__________

:Friday, May 19, 2006:

"For All Time"
Lyrics by Soluna

You're been the first in my life
Who has ever made me feel this way
And I will not deny
I'm gonna need you right here
By my side.

Baby, I can't wait
(come and hold my hand and let me lead the way)
Let me take your breathe away
(by holdin' and kissin' and lovin' and touchin' you)
Never will be too late
(see myself through your eyes)
Baby, I can't wait
(until the day I hear you say)

[Chorus]
You are mine
There's no other one for me
Keep in mind
You make my life complete
And tonight
We're make love endlessly
Cuz you're mine
You're the one that I'll keep
For all time.

Now that you're here, boy
I'm never gonna let you go
Can I touch you there, oh
Do you mind if we kiss real slow
You're my everything
You're my hopes and dreams
Baby, you know it ain't no lie
I'm gonna be with you till the day I die

Baby, I can't wait
(come and hold my hand and let me lead the way)
Let me take your breathe away
(by holdin' and kissin' and lovin' and touchin' you)
Never will be too late
(see myself through your eyes)
Baby, I can't wait
(until the day I hear you say)

[Chorus]

You're the one that lights my fire
You're the one that keeps me strong
You're the one that I depend on
When my world is going wrong
You're the one that I hold closer
You're the man I'm dreaming of
And I really really love you
I just want you to know that

[Chorus 2x]

I can't wait till the day
I hear you say
You're the one that I need
You're the one that I'll keep
For all time.

Benji

| Stripped and Lusted 10:52 AM| |

__________

:Thursday, May 18, 2006:

I'm getting lost in myself. Why change so much
for the one thing that we cannot keep closest
to us? Now, I remain as confused as I was in
the beginning. Congrats to myself once again.
aye.
This is it. Its the end and forever shall it just
pass me by like the childish of a kid.
For I have lost this battle in war.

Anyways, JB was awesome. Well going with
hot people means it was great already.
Explanation given. -smiles-
The turma started when we all headed towards
TPE. lalala...then in JB. -koat-
then the whole saga on kenny roger's ayam teh teh
and -koat-

And the whole jam with beggars begging having
bimbos to scream at the top of their voices.
And also close to having lost my life 4 times in
a day. =))
In a nutshell, We had a bad day. But a bad
day with hot people. =) -koat- JB rawks.
that only refers to the parts where we spent
time in the car.=)

Its time for me to be happy as I said.
I wanna be the fire. Not the moth.

Benji

| Stripped and Lusted 11:34 PM| |

__________

:Wednesday, May 17, 2006:

Kenndra rawks. Yups, she's on Benji's
most wanted list. Thanks to the whole
darn 'car incident'. Not to mention the
people that were by me in school at the
stairs..aye, thanks.

Really needed that burst of tears. lalala.
And, chilling over at edric's damn -.-
get the hint? aye? with ray, jovan and
kenndra with really low budget shisha
and a part drag performace.

I've made my mistakes and I have no
where to run. Running around in myself
searching for my answers. But thanks to
the people that I have met along the way,
the path has been cleared by just that bit.
-bows-
Nothing matters now.

Benji

| Stripped and Lusted 2:18 AM| |

__________

:Monday, May 15, 2006:

lalala! benji benji! -smacks head-
you shit head.. pon pon pon....
aye..I should stop poning school.
I should also stop drinking, listening
to my ipod and playing games in class,
msn-ing in class fagging all the time and
start to STUDY. grahhh! -.-

bad shit I am. Today, I left class early.
so paiseh.. been poning class to chill
at cine watching movies with my friends
lately. WTF. -smacks myself-
I must:

do all the above.
stop smoking.
stop drinking.
stop killing myself slowly.
stop poning class to chill with my peeps.

and I must:
listen to lessons.
run more.
be the hottest boy alive [edited]!
let my emotions and feelings take over for once.

Benji

| Stripped and Lusted 8:25 PM| |

__________

:Sunday, May 14, 2006:

Fear of Rejection.
Thanks to the demon of fear who visited
me late last night, where my lastest fear has
been released. Well, its obvious its the fear
of rejections. Be it rejecting others or
vice versa.
Having to face it with a brave heart is
something that I must do, therefore,
knowing my own abilities that I have.

Having to prove to others that I am that
strong. I'm going to prove everyone
wrong. I'll stand up and I'll face it.
I live for me and my loved ones. Nothing
else. I'm going to decide to be happy again.
Happy with what I have and where I am
now. I won't be greedy. And yes, I agree
that I have been having mood swings.

I guess that I'll come back down. If not,
just point a gun at my head and shoot me.
Anyways, I swear in the name of lord
Benji that this is the last depressing entry.
Or I pray it is.
Its time to be happy benji.
BE happy. Thats what you deserve for now.

Benji

| Stripped and Lusted 10:06 PM| |

__________

:Saturday, May 13, 2006:

Thanks for today. Appreciated. But yet
I feel that hurt. The hurt of a thousand
torns pircing me just like the past. Aye.
Its difficult to forget the past and move
on with life as I don't think I'm ready
to just set it free. I'm not willing to forget
and not willing to let my feelings fly.

At least that I got someone to talk things
out too. I feeling trashed inside. I'm
feeling caught. Just caught by what will
make me the happiest boy on earth.
Having to share the things that I have.
Having to feel the things that I feel.

I'm just in my quiet train of thoughts.
To find what I really want. The way I
managed to find myself and pulled
myself out from my pile of debris. But,
yet afraid of rejection, I remain where I
am refusing not to take another step
forward.

Now I say, my cigs came again because
of you. And, my cigs will go because of you.
With you, anything is made possible.
With you, I'm free once again.

Benji

| Stripped and Lusted 3:00 AM| |

__________

:Thursday, May 11, 2006:

Goodbye

I feel like shit. I feel worst each time someone
new gets to know you. I feel insecure. Although
I know I won't have you back with me. I'll be
here pulling myself out and up each time I fall.
Cause I just know, you won't be thinking of me
anymore.

If I won't be able to set someone free in me,
I won't be able to accept someone new for me.
I've found my distractions. And they're cool.
They're awesome people to hang with. I can't
stay at home. Why? Cause I know, I'll be thinking
of you. But when I chill with them, I guess I'm
happy, not reminding myself of the past.

I get jealous now. With someone else falling for you.
I hide my emotions, just to cry in my solace. Its
just that mask that covers for me. Which covers
the ugly side of me. There's nothing in me worth
an 'enough' for you. Cause, Its just gonna hurt me
more. My head hurts. It hurts now. I'm just waiting
for you to tell me one last:
"Goodbye"

Benji

| Stripped and Lusted 12:37 AM| |

__________

:Monday, May 08, 2006:

I just have 3 things to say:

1. You took that 1 thing in me you shouldn't have touched.
2. When I met you that day, I melted and cried.
3. I do still love you alot.

Benji

| Stripped and Lusted 10:13 PM| |

__________

:Saturday, May 06, 2006:

Rush Of The Cine Kids

Welcome to the first entry of "Rush Of The Cine Kids".
Well, most people belong to that group are different
from what you people see outside on the streets.
The fun starts in the evening.
I've spent my time living my life with them at Cine.
4 Days straight there? There will be more.
I feel happy? I do. My distractions. My rules.
My Life.

People that I can relate to. The usual faces at cine.
I make more friends. My friends bring new friends.
We have a party, and bring more friends. Welcome
to my new life. Welcome to my social status.
Wanna find me? I'll be at Cine. Spot me. Espically
on friday nights. My place? Rocky's.
I wanna go Kbox! >.< waiting for my Aj outing again.

Thanks to my distractions and new brings, I have
to kill myself slowly that way. Trying to ignore the
fact that we have to remain as friends not not being
lovers again. Everytime the phone rings, I look at
it eagerly just to disappoint myself. Aye.
I'm crying inside just to show i'm strong. But is it
worth myself? Are you worth it? Many people think
different. But I cant make myself forget you. I cant.
My love, you were once everything to me.

Now, I have to start loving myself more before I can
start loving others. Accept us for who we are, and not
what we are. Once again, Welcome to the start of
the Rush Of The Cine Kids. Try spotting us.

One thing, Kero, get a life and stop blogging about
things like that. Its getting rather sick rather
than interesting. Stop whining and get a life.
Taggers and Spammers, move on! go find some
transexual blog to hit on. I'm just going to continue
laughing at the pea size brains you people have
even by visiting these sites. What makes you different
from us then? Colin? erm, Think of something out
yourself.

Benji

| Stripped and Lusted 10:26 PM| |

__________

:Thursday, May 04, 2006:

Distractions. Something that I really needed.
Needed to get things off my mind. With the load
of problems on my mind, I'm going to die any
minute. With the sad songs playing on my mp3,
just to feed my ecstasy besides my cigs.
I had my distractions for today. It helped bits
here and there.

I needed them more, bring in my distractions
now. For I dont know what I'm going to do without
them.
I'm just a helpless kid in this rough world.
Save me.

Benji

| Stripped and Lusted 11:56 PM| |

__________

:Tuesday, May 02, 2006:

Today's the day that I made my mark
again. But then again, whats the purpose?
When I can't even have you with me on
this day. Your message I was expecting,
but when received, I hated you for even
messaging me in the first place. After I felt
used.

Happy Birthday Benji.

Today, I took my cigs out again. For I
will take no more. Welcome back the
blacks.

Benji

| Stripped and Lusted 9:42 PM| |

__________

:Monday, May 01, 2006:

Its a countdown to my birthday. Yet, my moods
gone. I'm still thinking of it. Somehow, I'm
neither happy or sad. I'm sitting here, counting
down to something that I don't want to have
it alone. Looking back at who I had it with
last year.

My mind rawks my soul and I feel nauseas
even more. I like an invisible soul wondering
through the empty street with the dim lights
shining on nothing but the dirty drains.
All alone, by myself. I'm going to cry tonight.
You defeated me with the message and I
will leave you.

One more thing. Happy Birthday Benji.
In advance that is.

Benji

| Stripped and Lusted 10:55 PM| |

__________